Why Fifty Shades is anything but romantic!

Everyone at the moment is apparently in love with Christian Grey again. You know that billionaire who thrives off abusing women with pain in “sex” punishments to make himself feel better.

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In Fifty Shades Darker he even calls himself a sadist. He’s controlling, manipulative and suffocating. Telling you that you can’t do something and wanting you just for his own. The latter of that would or could be nice I guess but not in the way it is portrayed through his character. Does this therefore risk our ideas of love and relationships to change?

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Give me Robert in Bridges of Madison County standing in the rain any day over Christian Grey and his “playroom” any day!

Yes women do want someone to be loyal to them and love them with everything they have. But that has lines and limits, wanting to own you also has limits and restrictions. I guess because the story sees chances in the man who is what most women love about it right? Everyone thinks they can change someone for the better. Surely he will miss everything he has grown to like and do sexually over the past twelve years. Someone cannot change that quickly and the age-old but it was different with you and I’ve never felt like this before. All standard words used by not just men but women do it as well if something goes wrong.

It may not seem it at times but I really do love Romantic films, not particularly rom-coms as it’s pretty hard to actually get a good one of them now. I still prefer the ones from the 80’s and 90’s compared to what we get now. I love a good romantic drama and seeing passion between the characters something we don’t get in Fifty Shades, we get a forced relationship with the man wanting to own the woman. Even looking back to Gone with the Wind as much as Rhett Butler tries that is just not going to happen to Scarlett O’Hara who is much stronger woman than Anastasia Steele! Who would have thought that be possible when one is from 2010’s and the other set as far back as 1890s and released in 1930s. Has film really gone backwards in terms of romance and love?

What better way to go deeper into that than having a look at what was happening in film over the years for relationships and strong female characters?

2010s
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Paper Towns – While I was not the biggest fan of this film, I still have to mention it as Margo is very honest and open about her feelings. Even when her friend works very hard to find exactly where she was, the thing is she didn’t want to be found. She was trying to find herself! Now if that is not empowerment and accepting any type of love then I don’t know what is!

2000s
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The Holiday – Both female characters in this film Iris and Amanda have been well screwed over by the men in their lives. Hence the decision to house swap over the Christmas period, in the process finding themselves and men that can actually be nice instead of cruel. Good messages and vibes from this one, I actually see it as a slight guilty pleasure but come on Kate Winslet is always incredible!
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(500) Days of Summer – Often seen as the villain of story Summer actually is very open about what she wants and does not want from the start. Showing that women don’t always go for love and aren’t afraid to walk away when they feel the time is right. I guess a pretty important film in that way!

1990s
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Pretty Woman – Maybe a strange one to mention but Vivienne is a strong character as when the terms from Edward don’t suit her she decides to walk away. Yes, a prostitute who gets a happily ever after, but we do see love and romance bloom. Maybe it isn’t always possible to stop that?

1980s
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An Officer and a Gentleman – Quite possibly one of the most romantic film endings well ever. Paula had never pushed Zack to being with her it just all seemed to fall into place, despite his pretty awful background.

1970s
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The Way We Were – Katie was never going to be willing to give up her career and fighting for rights, so much so that she was destined to never stay with Hubbell forever. This one has such an incredible moment in Sex and the City as well!

1960s
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Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? – Probably another odd choice but I am certainly trying to show that women can fight and stand up for themselves against men and in this case against their husband. Martha as much as she is totally barking mad is an impressive character as she will not let George win.

1950s
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An Affair to Remember – Terry McKay does not want to rely on any man even though she would give pretty much everything to be with Nickie. They agree to meet at the top of the Empire State Building aft six months, if that isn’t romantic I don’t know what is. Imagine actually having no contact with someone for that long, not something we can really do or think about in this day and age. “If you can paint, I can walk” = Love!

1940s
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Casablanca – Sometimes you just end up loving two men at the same time, Isla is a prime example of this and she really cannot actually decide which one she really wants to be with. I thought that was a rather interesting way to look at things as well, would she really have regretted staying with Rick?

1930s
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It Happened One Night – Ellie had decided on the man she wanted to marry and managed to escape from her father who had her in-prisoned as he was not impressed with her choices. I am guessing this was all very shocking viewing back in 1934.

It really does not make a lot of sense how something like Fifty Shades manages to be so popular when it is so negative in a relationship between a man and woman. Why should you want and have to change someone for you to want to be with them and love them? Surely it is a lot better if they are what you want to begin with. As if you have to change things so much how did it even have any love there between the two people. Maybe this is where the line is well and truly blurred between love and lust.

The other thing that it raises is BDSM as a possible lifestyle. Although that community of people hate Fifty Shades as well as it is apparently very far off what really happens. So if that is the case who exactly is this series for in terms of books and then films? The audience seems to be women in 40/50s who need something a little bit extra in life, as don’t get enough fulfilment from the boring marriages they are now in? I mean that is just a sweeping statement as I really have no idea at 29 years old and not married. Just going from the women I have seen at the cinema over the past week since its release and some of the Facebook updates from “friends” who have checked into the cinema for the first time since Fifty Shades of Grey came out. I am sure a lot of people can feel the pain of that when you search for something good and meaningful to watch throughout the year, yet everyone flocks to that type of well rubbish.

So what are your thoughts on Fifty Shades and is it going to have a huge impact on how we view relationships, love and sex? 

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13 thoughts on “Why Fifty Shades is anything but romantic!

  1. Two romantic films which I haven’t seen for some time but which I remember fondly. Not sure if you have come across them but they are definitely worth checking out.

    Under the Clock aka The Clock (1945) – A wartime love story set in New York. Judy Garland in her first non-singing dramatic role.

    David and Lisa (1962) – An unusual love story set in a mental hospital. Oscar nominated.

    Both shot in black and white. Worlds away from 50 Shades.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have no idea why the books and the movies are so popular. Escapism? Titillation? Are heterosexual men so bad at the whole relationship/passion thing that hetro women prefer this? Do they see it as quality soft-core porn that’s been legitimized by being ‘mainstreamed’ and therefore it becomes OK to take a little walk on the ‘wild’ side?

    Liked by 1 person

    • The worst thing about it in terms of the films is that the sex scenes are nothing extreme or different to those we see in film all of the time. Hardly see anything and the soft-core porn thing could be right!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve never read the books or seen the films nor do I plan to. I don’t mind that they feature a BDSM relationship as it is a fetish that does exist and many couples do consensually participate in it and that’s fine. All I’ve heard about these films/books though is that they mangle up the entire concept of BDSM and make it a horrible relationship between the two leads. Hopefully, we’ll forget about these movies in the years to come.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I read the first chapter of the first book and put it down because I couldn’t believe any woman would want to be treated like that! And that was before sex was introduced.
    Whilst everyone is into different things, this film doesn’t seem like the appropriate way to safely show that. Yes, we should be striving to diversify films and tackle different topics, but 50 Shades doesn’t seem like the best way to achieve that.

    Liked by 1 person

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