“Me? I’m Scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw. I’m scared of what I did, of who I am and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.”

I have decided to start a new type of blog post on here, using a film quote that comes close to how I am feeling I am going to vent my thoughts and probably stress (and massive overthinking) in an attempt to get rid of it all to be honest. I am not going to set how often these blogs will be but I guess that just depends what exactly is going on in my life. Although I don’t really have a massive amount of a life at the moment, so much work and no time for much else. That is one of the reasons I love going to the cinema, that is my switch off and relaxing time (well maybe not always relaxing if I pick an awful film). This will be extremely film related though so don’t worry!

Having had a very tough few months and the past week with not a massive amount of sleep, I think it does play with your mind and makes it more difficult to see things rationally. That who paranoid state seems to creep in and you doubt well pretty much anything and everything. I think the above exchange between Portman and Kutcher is a great way to start, what a feeling right?

This blog post has probably also been pushed by the fact that I have been listening to Adele’s new album 25 pretty much on and off all day. (Someone please tell me to turn it off) Like seriously though it is very good, only one song I don’t really like which is a good thing. The way some of the songs play on your emotions is not a good thing, an incredible thing from her song writing and voice but remember the title for this post “scared” of walking away and for one of her songs to have a very true meaning in my life. Even if so many of them still do, I am sure the album is going to continue to break so many records. I think the brilliance behind Adele is that she really focuses on the song writing and quality instead of quantity to get as many albums out as possible. So I do salute her on that!

But we will allow Adele to be mentioned one of her new songs mentions looking like a movie, so that is another thing to have to mention. But is looking like a movie really a good thing? Does it cause a problem when you watch so many movies, do you expect things to be more perfect and work out better than they actually do in real life? Do we create a fake world where it will never actually reach those heights? I have thought about this a few times now, especially when it comes to love and romance. Maybe the tragic love stories are the most real and close to what you will actually experience . . .





I want the man who is going to miss that plane like in Before Sunset, who after years apart wants to be with you. Ok yes I have just proven the above point haven’t I? Are people really wired like that and do they actually exist in this world? Well you would certainly have hope if you had a chance with Ethan Hawke.

Let’s remember though that the trilogy of films got very real in Before Midnight and I will admit it broke my heart watching them. Why? Because that was real.

 Again that is something that I don’t think you can lie with, your eyes. The way someone looks at you, that intense look like Richard Gere in well everything. I am sure he will feature in this posts a hell of a lot, so he’s just getting that very small mention for now. Don’t want to use everything up in this one post. But his eyes though!!!

Do things change when you get what you actually want, possibly. But I would certainly love that opportunity to at least give it ago. So yes I am scared of walking away and never feeling the way I feel about someone else. Is that another thing that is strange, because once you have intense feelings for someone else you actually then cannot remember how you felt about a previous person. If that even makes any sense at all. I know what I mean and hopefully somewhere out there someone else does as well.

Love is a strange thing and makes us do some very crazy things, even though at times you will not actually admit that and say “it’s because I love you” – as everyone just sees that a cop out and trying to get away with it. But come on the way you get when you love someone is quite scary at times, it’s like your not in control of your mind or body and just go with it. Would anyone even try to say that now? I don’t even want to mention it being over a text message or as 143 (yes really that’s happened). Only say it if you mean it as well of course.

Julie Andrews has a point in The Sound of Music it might just seem like the end of the world, or the end of your world but after a few tears and a nights sleep it is all different the next day. Even if the difference is just a little bit of perspective. It really does always seem worse at the very moment you feel as though your heart is going to be broken, or you think it is all over and done with. When it comes back to this . . .

Come on listen to Ryan and Ralph they know best. So you aren’t going to have to walk out of any door just yet and worry about trying to feel that way again. I hope this has at least been entertaining to read as I think it sums up my constant roundabout that happens every few months. No wonder I am exhausted at the moment right?

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