It has been two weeks now since my Grandad passed away and I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that he is no longer with us. That I won’t be able to just pop round to his house and see him, whilst also getting made fun of (in a loving joking way). I feel like that is the hardest thing to get your head around when it comes to a loss like this.
As you can see the title of this blog post is a film quote from Good Will Hunting. The reason behind that is when I got the call at 2am to let me know he had died, as I was crying that was the first quote that seemed to pop into my head. I also used that as the opening of the speech I wrote and read at his funeral. It just seemed to fitting, as that feeling was awful. I had only been to the hospital a few hours before and while it didn’t look too good I still had to have hope.
Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself
That’s how I feel right now, I loved my Grandad more than anything
Who’s going to ask if I’m still courting or tell me I’ve piled the weight on?
Give me that wink that would instantly make me smile,
Make me cringe at his manner, yet laugh at the same time
Know how to cheer me up when I was sad
Ask me where in the world I am off to next, not being happy when I’d say nowhere
Being proud of everything I have achieved and helping me want more, I promise to keep making you proud
I guess there’s only one thing left to say … Keep your feet still Geordie Hinny
I know this is not the normal type of post on my blog, but I really felt that I had to pay a small tribute to this incredible man who I had the pleasure of being around for over 28 years. I think that is something that makes this all even harder as he has been around for my whole life and a grandparent is someone you can never ever replace. It’s been a very tough few years as I have had to deal with my two Nanna’s dying and then my Grandad. This all happened in just less than four years. I still struggle with that and miss both of my Nanna’s – you know when something random happens and you just think of that person.
I have therefore been pretty messed up over the past few weeks and finding it really tough at times. I just thought that this was something to mention on the blog. Possibly as a reminder of how it feels right now. I have managed to get to the cinema a couple of times in the past week and really felt like that has helped. For me Cinema and films are an escapism and can me through some difficult times. Even if it just takes your mind off it all for an hour or two that’s still worth it right?
Rest In Peace GRANDAD ❤